


Desperado

by Cerulean_supwho



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, Angsty Schmoop, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Nudity, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-07
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-25 06:31:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6184339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_supwho/pseuds/Cerulean_supwho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate universe, plays out like a Western movie with Dean and Sam as cattle ranchers. Dean leads a lonely life as a cowboy that prefers the company of men in an era when homosexuality was not even talked about. When Dean finds a mysterious stranger and nurses him back to health he comes face to face with his inner desires.<br/>Based on the Eagles song Desperado. The song suits him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Stranger

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses  
You been out ridin' fences for so long now  
Oh, you're a hard one  
I know that you got your reasons  
These things that are pleasin' you  
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy  
She'll beat you if she's able  
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet

Now, it seems to me some fine things  
Have been laid upon your table,  
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger  
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home

And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talkin'  
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

 

The sun was high overhead and beating down on his back as the horse underneath him plodded along. The last mile of fence had been mostly intact and he had only stopped a couple of times to make sure that the barbwire was tight and posts were firmly in the ground. Trailing close behind him was Poco his pack horse laden with more wire, posts and tools he might need. He was astride Baby, the black mare his father had gotten him for his birthday a few years ago. She understood him, was receptive to his moods and he liked nothing better than to be out in the open with her supporting him. It had been early this morning when he left his cabin since the beasts had last been watered, so he decided after the next mile he would make a detour down to Purgatory Creek. The creek was part of the ranch and it was as important to the Winchester’s property as their animals or the grass. Without it the ranch would have gone under a long time ago, and all of his father’s efforts would have been for naught. Dean and his brother Sam had inherited the ranch when their father passed on, years after their mother. Dean was four when his mother died in their first cabin. It burned to the ground without anyone else being harmed. His father tried to save her but they got out with only themselves, baby Sammy clutched in Dean’s arms, placed there by his father as he went back in to save his mom. Dad died two years ago. He had left on a hunting trip on his own and had not come home after a few days. He and Sam had found him at the bottom of a small ravine where he must have taken a bad fall. They found his horse a day later four miles away. Must have gotten spooked or something.

Sam had married five years ago and lived in town for a while. He had gone back east to school, met Jessica, and brought her and their babe home after finishing school. They now lived in the ranch house with their two children; the house dad built after the fire. The three Winchester men had huddled that winter in the small cabin that Dean lived in now. He felt it only right that Sam and his family took the house. After all he was a confirmed bachelor even though many had tried to persuade him otherwise. Sam and Jess had offered Dean a room at the main house, but Dean liked being on his own in the little one roomed cabin. He didn’t need much and it kept people from pestering him about settling down. Any time he went to town, he saw it on their faces, in the way they looked at him, pushed their daughters at him, expecting a response. He had heard their whispers. It was unnatural for a man to live alone. What was he waiting for? Men couldn’t be too picky in these parts, especially when there were some healthy young farmer’s daughters to pick from. Not to mention, Dean was a catch. He was considered well off as an heir to the very large and successful Winchester ranch.

Dean had been seen out and about with the newly widowed school teacher Mrs. Braeden. She and Dean had an understanding. He would escort her to the occasional picnic and even sat with her and her eight year old son Ben in church when he went. He didn’t go very often. Made his neck itch. He could never get out of there soon enough. Lisa understood about him not wanting to settle. She had loved her husband very much and really just treated Dean as a friend. He knew that was all he would ever be. He would never tie down a woman to his sorry ass. He would always feel out of place, but today, today was golden. Shimmering waves of grass, bright shining in the sun and it was good to be alone. Solitude suited him. When he was following along behind cattle; working as a maverick; hell even riding the fence line, all of these felt right to Dean. He could let his thoughts wander. He thought about his mom a lot among other things. Those things he tried not to think of. Being alone with his thoughts was best.

He figured it was about time to water the animals and he could use a little refreshment. There was always shade by the creek, not many trees but it was one of the few places on the ranch there were actual shade trees. His mom had planted fruit trees close to the house that were now bearing abundantly. Dean took care of the trees himself after his dad had taught him how to prune and care for them.

The horses were eager as they neared the water and Poco was trying to pass them up. Dean was trying to keep him in line as they approached the creek, so it wasn’t until they had started drinking that he noticed the body lying at the water’s edge. The skin was pale and the torso and legs were lean and muscled. The lack of any clothing was out of place out here, even if the man had been bathing. Maybe snake bit? The figure was prone and littered with small gashes as if he had crawled through brambles. As he got closer he could see the rise and fall of the man’s chest as he lay face down at the dirt trodden creek bank. Maybe just drunk? Dean knelt down beside him and tried to rouse him carefully.

“Hey buddy,” he said softly as he nudged him and tried not to startle him. The man groaned and yet did not budge. “Buddy, you need some help?”

Dean nudged him again and with no response he lifted his head by grasping him by the dark mop of shaggy hair. The man’s face looked about his own age, in his thirties, scruffy winter beard in the middle of summer and several scratches in various stages of healing. Some bruising was new and others partially healed. He couldn’t tell for sure whether the marks were manmade or not. Some markings could have been from animals, but the markings were not like any he’d ever seen. Maybe some kind of wild cat. There were some rocky crags nearby, maybe something was holed up there in a cave. Dean cupped some water in his hand and poured it over the man’s bushy head, hoping to rouse him. He sputtered a little but never opened his eyes. He laid his head down gently and proceeded to check him for any broken bones, after finding none he rolled the prone figure over. No obvious large wounds or significant bleeding. His body was fully intact, just battered. He didn’t look malnourished; as a matter of fact he looked quite healthy saving his current injuries. As Dean appraised his body, looking for signs of injury or malady, he became aware of him. That way. He appreciated the male form lying in front of him and decided that uninjured and cleaned up, he would be a fine looking fellow.

Well he couldn’t just leave him here and he wasn’t having any luck arousing him, so Dean rearranged his pack to hold what he had been carrying on his mount and arranged the drifter in front of him on his saddle. His day of work interrupted was okay with him. He liked his solitude, but his curiosity about the appearance of this dark headed stranger deserved attention now. His cabin was about an hour’s ride, so he set out for home, watching to make sure the man was still breathing and looking for signs of his awakening all the while. 

Castiel first became aware of smells and sounds before opening his eyes. There was wood smoke, coffee and some sort of wonderful smelling food. He was not usually affected by the smell of food, but right now his vessel was clamoring for something to eat if the rumbling in his stomach was anything to go by. He was slowly becoming aware of something in his mouth; it tastes sweet and wet on his tongue and he found himself sucking on it to get the moisture out of it. He heard a new sound, someone was in the room. He heard heavy steps on wooden floors and a grunt along with movement several feet away and yet close. There was not a lot of light, so when the door opened he noticed the change in the brightness and with the sound of a door closing it became darker. He felt something rumbling in his chest and when the voice spoke he realized the rumbling sound was him.

“Hey there. You awake buddy?” Dean had just brought in some more firewood. It got chilly at night and his visitor’s skin had been clammy and cold after getting him inside out of the elements. He had warmed up after Dean had cleaned him up, put some of his more worn out clothes on him and covered him with quilts in his bed. Dean had slept on a pallet in deference to the stranger’s comfort. He looked like he’d had an awfully rough go of it but his color had come back by the third day.

“Beginning to think you were gonna stay lost inside that ole noggin of yours and sleep for the rest of your days.” Dean was easing his way over to the bedside and then knelt and pushed the mop of hair out of Castiel’s eyes that were now open. Dean had looked at his eyes one at a time while he was out, but that was nothing like the impact they had on him now. The scruffy, bearded man looked up at him with the most piercing blue eyes he’d ever seen. The light seemed to come from within them instead of just being reflected from them.

Castiel tried to lift his head but it weighed too much, so he just grunted and lay it back down. “Easy there, pardner. You just take it easy. Here let me get you some water,” Dean soothed as he plucked the rag out of Castiel’s mouth. “Hard to get liquid down a sleepin’ man’s gullet. Made you a sugar teat like my mama used to make for us young’ns to keep us satisfied when we were under the weather. You sucked on it like a little ‘un too.”

Castiel huffed with disbelief. How dare he belittle an angel of the Lord? His heavenly body is without measure, but right now he was stuck in this earthly vessel. This man was being kind to him and he decided to be thankful for that. His earthly body is hungry and thirsty, but it irritated him to be dependent on this human for anything. He felt so weak and could barely sense his grace. It was there, but weak and it was taking him a long time to regenerate. 

Dean brought a cup of water over and held the man’s head up by cupping it, “Here ya go. Easy now. Go slow. There’s plenty.” The water was cool on Castiel’s throat and this man was being very gentle with him. Dean helped him to finish the cup, but made him wait a little while for more. “If you get too much too fast it might not stay down. Let’s get some food down ya next.”

Dean could see he was still very weak and decided the best way to feed him was to prop him up. He lifted his head and leaned him against a pile of clothes wedged close to the wall. Castiel watched as the man worked. He had kind eyes; they were as green and bright as jade and his countenance was fair. He watched him ladle up something that smelled wonderful, brought it over and sat on the side of the bed and coaxed, “Okay buddy. Let’s take it slow. But this here stew was made from some of the finest beef in all the territory. Winchester beef. You’re on my land. Name’s Dean. Dean Winchester.”

Castiel flinched at the name. It was a gut reaction however. He couldn’t remember if the name was significant to him or not. He couldn’t remember anything that happened after he left heaven, where he was or why he was here. Maybe he was just suffering from the effects of hunger and dehydration he thought as he took the first bite from Dean. “Mmmmmm.”

“ ’S good huh? It’s the Kansas grass. Grows tall and green out here.”Dean spooned it to him slowly, pausing between each bite to let it settle. Castiel was having a little trouble swallowing. His eyes never left Dean’s face though. As hungry as he was, the man in front of him was fascinating and was keeping his interest.

After Dean was sure Castiel was swallowing well he tried to coax him in to talking. “So what’s your name fella? Told you mine.”

Castiel tried to clear his throat but just a wheeze came out. “ ‘S okay. We got plenty of time. You’ll come around after we get your belly filled.” Dean kept spooning the broth in and Castiel kept watching without speaking. By the time he had finished his eyes were drooping and it was obvious to Dean that he was not going to be able to do any more right now. He settled him back in, pulled the quilts up to his chin and went back outside to finish his chores when the stranger’s breathing had evened out.

As Dean went about his work, settling his animals and cleaning his tools he couldn’t help speculating about the stranger. Where was he from? What kind of fella was he? Sure was a nice looking fella. Those eyes. Well Dean had always lived a whole nother life in his head. Now he had a face to put to his musings, all the thoughts that he kept to himself. The ones that he would never tell anyone. Shameful thoughts. Unnatural thoughts. Well if he was going to be damned to hell anyway, he might as well enjoy it while he could. Fella was a looker that was for sure.

Castiel slept fitfully that night. Visions of fire and torture filled his dreams. Yellow eyes. Piercing pain. Unbelievable pain and suffering. He yelled out in his sleep a loud keening wail of extreme anguish.

Dean was awakened by a blood curdling scream that made him shiver. He grabbed his gun from under his pillow and was on his feet in an instant. The stranger was thrashing about in his bed and no one else was in the room. He put his gun down and went over to him.

“Hey, hey. Take it easy.” The fella was trembling with fear, his eyes were wild with panic and Dean couldn’t help but gather him in his arms to soothe him like a child waking up from a bad dream. He held his head to his chest and rocked him back and forth. “ ‘S okay. ‘S gonna be all right. You’re safe here. Ole Dean won’t let nothin’ get ya. Shh. Shh,” Dean crooned to him as he rocked back and forth, patting his back at first and then rubbing circles like he used to do for Sammy when he needed soothing. Castiel’s breathing slowed and he did feel safe. Safe in this human’s arms. He breathed in his essence; he smelled of wood smoke, sweat, animals, leather and something else unique. Something that smelled so good and yet he could not remember anything else that had ever smelled as good. Safety. Comfort. Peace. That was what his senses told him. He was safe here. The fiery visions started to fade and yet he clung to this human and never wanted to be parted from this overwhelming peace that he felt. It was something that he couldn’t compare to anything else he had ever known. All Castiel knew in this moment was that he felt at home in this man’s arms, like he belonged here. Before he drifted off again Dean heard something in his ear, but couldn’t make it out. “What didja say fella?”

Castiel didn’t respond. He was already asleep. He had murmured the name of his savior. One soft plea. “Dean.”


	2. Pie and Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel recovers as Dean nurses him back to health.

Castiel faded in and out of consciousness over the next few days while Dean patiently attended to his needs. He would wake long enough to take care of bodily functions and eat and then drift back off to sleep. Dean started just talking to him while he seemed lucid even though he did not get any verbal response. He told the stranger stories about growing up, working on the ranch and his family. Dean liked to read and had finished his local schooling, but never went off to school like Sammy. No, Dean was needed on the ranch, by his father’s side and always played the role of the good son. His father was harsh on him, but Dean was fine with it. He knew it made him stronger, and besides, Dean knew his dad was hurting inside and had never really been satisfied ever since his mother died. John had turned to drink and whoring for solace. Dean had brought him home many a time and cared for him when he got bad on the drink and melancholic. He had cared for Sammy growing up and then his dad when Sam left. The last two years had been lonely even after Sam came home; he had his own family to take care of but he and Dean worked the ranch together. Nothing was quite like it used to be. They had been so close growing up and Dean felt more useful when he had someone to take care of. The stranger was welcome to his help as it was nice to have someone to talk to, and Dean didn’t think of it as extra work as he was a natural caregiver.

Castiel still wasn’t talking. He would acknowledge Dean with his eyes and his expressions though dulled were discernible if you were looking. Dean was looking. He watched the stranger for any sign of response as he talked. He figured either the fellow was deaf, a foreigner that didn’t speak the local lingo or just plain beaten down. He had heard tell of men from the war coming out of it not speaking or else acting kind of off. Like something was broken on the inside. Dean could sympathize with that. He knew what it was like to have secrets that you never wanted to talk about or tragedies that could make a fellow want to forget so much that they just checked out. The way the stranger watched him he figured it was the latter. He’d seen the look before. So each day Dean would go about his business and talk to the stranger, telling him what he was doing, warning him so he didn’t get spooked if Dean was going to do something loud like shoot off a gun or something. Sure beat talking to yourself all the time.

Today was Sunday and on Sundays Dean went up to the big house to eat dinner with his family. He and Sam would discuss the ranch and share a drink or two after the meal. Dean was not going in to town or to church today. He didn’t want to leave his guest by himself all day. Castiel’s color was good and his appetite was better. He was moving better too, not acting all stiff and not needing to lean on Dean when he would take care of his business. Dean had been emptying his chamber pot, but today he decided the fellow was well enough to make it to the outhouse. Plus he figured it was good to get him outside in the fresh air.

Dean’s monologue this morning started about the widow he had an understanding with. He would be missing church, which he was fine with, and Miz Braeden would not be surprised if he didn’t show up. Dean told his visitor that the best thing about Sunday’s besides seeing his family, was that on Sunday his sister in-law always made pie. There was almost always apple or sweet potato and when other things like berries were in season she would make whatever was available. He promised to bring some back as Jess always sent him home with pie, a full belly and a smile on his face. He knew he would eat a heck of a lot better if he lived with them, but he was a fair hand himself at cooking and so he never went hungry. Mostly beef dishes as they always had that, but Dean also had his own chickens so he had eggs most of the time except in the dead of winter. They just didn’t lay well then. The hogs were kept up at the main house and they had a well guarded smoke house so they had ham and bacon through the winter. It had taken years to get the ranch to work like a fine oiled machine, but Dean and his family had spent long hard hours at it and it had paid off. Now they were sitting pretty if nothing too bad happened. Dean told his visitor that if he hung around long enough he was welcome to go with him to Sunday dinner. Jess always made plenty and company was always welcome.

Dean was hoping his brother had caught wind of some sort of news about the stranger. Maybe someone in town knew something about the fellow or if someone was missing. Dean never saw a horse so he figured the man had gone on foot or the horse had wandered off. If it had, it could have made it up to the ranch looking for food, water or company. Maybe there would have been something in his gear that would give them some clues.

Castiel had watched and listened to Dean with wonder. He felt no need to talk as he had nothing to say. How would the man react to being told that he was taking care of an angel of the Lord? Even though Castiel perceived this man to be righteous, but would he believe the word of the Lord to the Hebrews as it was written, ‘be not forgetful to entertain strangers; for thereby some have entertained angels unawares’ as reality. He thought not and was determined to keep his true identity hidden. It would be easier that way and he had never revealed himself to a human before. Not that he could remember much anyway about what had happened to get him here at this point in time. The nightmares had seemed so real and yet when he would wake it was all jumbled up in his head. The visions to him were a perfect representation of what Hell would be like, but what would he have been doing there? 

Castiel had decided that with time his grace would repair his memory and until then he would accept the kind hospitality that he was being shown. Castiel had not had a lot of interaction with humans; his main responsibility was as a soldier and was a leader in his garrison. There were always wars and rumors of wars so he suspected that his injuries were related to a battle. He had no idea what his last memory was and had only vague memories of Heaven and his life there as of yet.

Last night he had watched the human cleanse his body and remove his facial hair. He had been dozing and awakened to the sight of long expanses of sun kissed skin, freckled and smooth as Dean had bathed standing in a far corner of the cabin. His skin had reflected the golden glow from the fire and his beauty had taken Castiel’s breath away. This human’s form was delightful and he thanked his father for his beautiful creation. Castiel had already warmed up to this man’s spirit, but seeing him bare and physically exposed created an unexpected reaction in his earthly body. He was aware human’s experienced sexual arousal in their bodies that was unlike anything he had experienced as an angel. The heavenly body did not procreate as they were created individually by their father and so there was a finite number to his brethren. The human reproductive system was designed for procreation as well as pleasure, so the latter explained his male vessel responding to another man. There was certainly no procreation possible between two people of the same sexual designation, therefore his response must be totally related to pleasure not to mention that as an angel he did not have a sexual preference.

The longer he watched Dean the more uncomfortable he became physically and had no experience in how to relieve himself. He decided that it would pass and it did eventually. Castiel was also fascinated with the facial hair removal process. Dean was appealing both with and without facial hair. Castiel’s beard was irritating and scratchy and he contemplated removing his. He missed the man’s presence and narrative while he was gone Sunday and decided to try his hand with the shaving process. He had watched Dean carefully and felt confident that he could duplicate the process. He sharpened the razor just like Dean had, used water warmed on the woodstove and stood in front of the mirror to monitor his progress. He soon found out that the removal of facial hair took patience and a skill that he did not possess. There were multiple small cuts to his face from his attempts and he was frustrated as Dean had made it look so easy. Evidently his grace was increasing because by the time he was finished shaving the small lacerations were mostly healed. His body was feeling rather well today even though his memory was still fuzzy. When he looked at the finished project he decided that it was a job well done and he was pleased to see his features. He was decidedly fair of face and he determined he was attractive as far as a human could be with the exception of Dean.

Dean was perfect. His father had achieved masculine perfection in Dean. His skin was clear and bright; the only blemishes on his skin were very small tan spots that only served to accentuate his comeliness. His hair was golden and shorn which suited him as it did not hide a bit of his face with it’s symmetrical features that were not unlike a piece of art, where the artist had rendered a likeness meant to epitomize the human form. The green of his eyes was startling, very clear and Castiel thought surely his father had in mind the natural color of the new growth of foliage seen in the spring when he created Dean’s eyes. His voice was deep, deeper than you would expect from a man so fair. It was both masculine and soothing at the same time. 

Dean had a lean torso, muscled from hard work and legs that were bowed enough to sit a horse well which could be deemed functional, but to Castiel the curves added to their visual appeal. From the back Dean’s strength was evident from his wide shoulders down to his very muscular and curved posterior. Castiel had felt particularly drawn to that area of Dean’s anatomy. The view of his posterior had instigated some of the sexual arousal he felt which intensified when Dean turned enough that Castiel had a decent view of his anterior. The muscles of his chest and abdomen were taut and lean, and Castiel could appreciate their appeal, but when his eyes were drawn downward to the area between his legs, his arousal escalated. There was a thick patch of ginger hair set as a backdrop for his male member which was partially erect and impressive. The human form was familiar to him as he was a guardian to mankind, but he had never had the occasion to really study it. His appraisal of Dean’s body and the masculinity he exuded had triggered a most definite response from his earthly vessel. He wanted to touch him; to experience the feel of his skin and compare it to the texture of the hair both on his head and between his legs. He had already become familiar with Dean’s smell and inhaled it when he was close enough and it comforted him. The sight of Dean’s erect member had caused a similar response in Castiel’s, only his reaction was more intense as he felt the blood pumping into it causing it to throb with need. Now just thinking about Dean’s visage was causing him arousal and he felt a sense of abandonment with the current lack of his presence.

Dean had enjoyed his visit with Sam and his family. The children were enrapt with the tale of the blue eyed stranger and the mystery surrounding his appearance. Sam and Jessica were also intrigued and assured Dean that they had not heard anything but would ask around. Dean preferred that they not advertise his presence and knew that the news would spread like wild fire if they asked people. Natural curiosity and the fact that nothing happened much around here would fuel the flames of interest in a stranger. Dean was also not sure about the man’s background and his character. Hell he could steal him blind and be gone by the time he got back to the cabin. With that on his mind, he excused himself early and traveled home with some sweet provisions from the fine cooking and larder of his sister in-law’s. Sam promised to come around about mid week and let him know if there was any word from town or the sheriff. They were on a first name basis with most everyone in Lawrence including the sheriff who had shared a drink or two with both of the Winchester men. Sam promised to be discreet.

Castiel had not only cleaned up his person, but also the cabin and anything he noticed. He was unsure about cooking or operating the stove so did not attempt much. His strength was still lacking, but definitely returning. His grace was at a very low point as of yet, like a slow steady thrum beneath the surface, not as he was used to akin to a volcano preparing for an imminent eruption. His power was usually great and mighty and it was humbling to be more likened to a newborn babe. When he had accomplished all that he was capable of he lay on the bed to rest and fell promptly to sleep. 

When Dean arrived at the cabin he was anxious to check on his guest, but as always he took care of the animals first. As he entered the cabin he noticed a few changes, things had been moved and the cabin was neater, so the stranger had been up but now lay sleeping. His face was shorn and his countenance was peaceful which gave Dean hope that he had made a turn for the better. He tried to be quiet as he entered and the stranger did not stir. Dean drew near to him and studied his face. There was hardly a nick on him, so he was capable with a razor. His mop of dark, unruly hair appeared as if there had been an attempt to groom it, but had failed. Maybe Dean would offer to trim it up. He always used to cut Sammy’s hair when he was little. Now they both just went to the barber in Lawrence.

There was something pleasant and comely about the man’s face that had been covered by the grizzled beard and Dean was glad to see it gone. There was something about the man that was familiar and yet striking. He felt the old stirrings when he gazed at him and tried to tamp those feelings down. It wouldn’t be right to go a lusting after a guest in his home, especially one in such a vulnerable state. The fellow looked to be wiry and healthy, so he could probably handle himself well in a fight when he was at his normal strength. His body had taken a beating but he looked to be recovering quickly for someone who was near dead less than a week ago.

Dean was still standing over him when Castiel sensed his presence and willed himself to wake. He opened his eyes and spied his caretaker hovering over him with a secretive smile on his face. Castiel returned the smile as he was indeed happy to see him. He had missed Dean and had begun to feel somehow empty without him there.

“So, I see you’ve been busy buddy.” Castiel nodded and smiled in response. “Still not talking? Well maybe that’ll change soon. You’re looking fit today. Took a chance with the razor I see. Did a good job too. Brought you some mighty fine eats courtesy of my sister in-law. Some of that pie I promised. Blackberries are in season so nothing wrong with that. She also made some of those fried apple pies to take with me when I’m out and about, which by the way, now that you’re feeling better, I’m gonna have to get back to my duties. I was ridin’ the fence the day I found ya. Need to get back to it. It won’t fix itself, ya know and we got pretty near eighty miles of the dang stuff. Gotta have it though. Too many cattle to just let ‘em all wander around like we use ta. Keeping the fence up makes less work in the long run, so, yeah I gotta get back on it at first light. You should be okay on yer own for the day. Be back by sundown and I’ll set you out some grub so’s you won’t go hungry.”

Castiel was laying there taking it all in. The sight and sound of Dean was intoxicating. He could be happy listening to him forever, and Castiel was millennial years in existence so he knew what forever felt like. By now the two of them were smiling broadly at one another and Dean kept talking a little out of nervousness as the more alert the man in front of him became the more shy he felt. It was easier when he was barely conscious and was just listening to the sound of his voice more than what he was saying. Now he was concerned that the stranger would think he was a babbling idiot. Even if he could talk, he couldn’t get a word in edgewise with Dean prattling on about nothing and everything.

“So, I guess you’d rather get something to eat rather than listen to me. Sorry for going on so. Here, lemme help you get up.”

Castiel held out his hand in a halting gesture and shook his head.

“Okay. Feeling well enough to do it on yer own. Good for you buddy.” Dean watched anxiously as the man sat up, and hovered ready to help.

When Castiel got righted in a sitting position he looked up straight into Dean’s eyes and said in a deep gravelly voice, “Hello Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm enjoying this fic so much. I can just see them both in my mind's eye and they way they interact :). Hope to post again soon. Thanks so much for reading. Ao3 is the only place I am posting for now.


	3. Gratitude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel try to learn more about each other, but Castiel's memory is still muddled

Dean was slightly taken aback when his guest spoke his name even though he was expecting him to speak at some point in time. His speech was husky from disuse, but he was speaking English albeit in a refined manner.

“Well you can speak fella. How are ya feelin’?”

Castiel cleared his throat and answered, “Much better thank you. I am appreciative of your tender care.”

Dean blushed. Tender? His eyes ducked down as he hemmed and hawed. “Oh, no problem fella. You nearly died, and I was just doing what anyone woulda done.”

“Well you have been very kind to me. You don’t know anything about me and yet you took me in and cared for me as if I was family.”

“Yeah, well that’s kinda how I learnt to be a coddler of sorts. Ya know, I told you about raising my baby brother and all…so kinda comes natural to me.”

“Well, I thank you ever so much and will find a way to return your goodness.”

Dean was blushing again but his curiosity overcame his shyness and so he ventured, “Well for starters you could tell me if you gotta name there buddy.”

“Castiel.”

“Castiel? Never heard tell of that one. Is it some sorta special name?”

Castiel grinned. “I guess you could say it’s an old family name given to me by my father.”

“Sure is a mouthful, but I kinda like it.” Dean was liking everything about the stranger more and more. He loved the sound of his deep voice and wondered if it would change as he got used to using it more. He liked the way the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled and said smile lit a fire inside him, causing his stomach to flip around. The blue of his eyes reminded him of the sky as it closed toward evening. Not the bright blue sky of the day, but the blue that was seen midway up in the sky still pierced by light before the final rays of the sun faded and the color would drain out of the sky. Dean had seen the sky in all sorts of colors, the oranges and pinks around dawn, the menacing dark grey before a storm and the clear blue sky in spring after the dullness of the winter. Castiel’s eyes were a hue that you only caught for a few minutes at the end of the day. That blue was rare and fleeting but nonetheless striking.

Dean realized he was just staring at Castiel and cleared his throat, “Hmm. Guess you’re about ready for that grub I promised ya. Lemme fix you up. Castiel started to get out of the bed and Dean hovered, still unsure if he could really do it, but Castiel appeared to be steady on his feet, but slow. Dean kept an eye on him while he laid the food out on his small table. He only had two chairs, but he never had much company ceptin’ Sammy when he came round. Dean was not very hungry having eaten his fill earlier so he mostly just watched Castiel eat. He served him pie at the end of the meal and the response was priceless as Castiel hummed and closed his eyes in actual ecstasy at the taste. Dean grinned. “Told ya, her pie is worth working all week in the hot sun with hardly a drop of water fer.”

Castiel just hummed his agreement as he was too blissed out to respond verbally. When he had finished eating he finally offered his assessment of Jessica’s cooking. “Well you can tell Mrs Winchester that her pie is more delightful than anything served in heaven I vow. It was resplendent. Please thank her for me.”

“You might get a chance to thank her yourself iffen you’re still around next Sunday. I’ve got a standin’ invite ‘n yer more than welcome.”

Something dark passed through Castiel’s eye fleetingly but Dean noticed.

“Ya don’t hafta go or anythin’. Just sayin’ you’d be welcome an all.”

Castiel was quietly gathering his thoughts. He had no idea how long he could stay or how to get home. His grace was still too weak and he had heard nothing from heaven. It was possible that he was here for a purpose and would have to be patient and wait on an answer from heaven. He had prayed several times today without response and had to assume he was cut off from heaven even though he did not know how it happened or why. For now he was just going to recuperate with the help of this very pleasing human as he tried to regain his strength.

“Dean,” Castiel paused choosing his words carefully, “I am afraid I will have to accept your hospitality for now as I can’t remember much. I don’t know how I came to be in this place at this time and under these circumstances. I fear I am at your mercy, and I would like to show my gratitude by helping you in any way I can. My weakened state will be a hindrance at first, perhaps you can give me some simple tasks to start out with until I regain my memory and discern my purpose and intent.”

The stranger sure talked funny, educated and proper like. Sam would like him. He was probably some sort of scholar or gentry from back east.

“So you really don’t recollect nuthin’?”

“Oh I remember bits and pieces, mostly memories of long ago, but nothing of my recent past. That is shrouded from me and I can’t pierce through the veil.” Yep, he was a fancy talker, but he was in a fine mettle. It must be hard to have all of your memories just wiped out and not know your comings from your goings. Dean remembered the nightmares Castiel had though. He knew something bad had happened but hated to poke at a sleeping dog. Yep, like his daddy always said ‘let sleepin’ dogs lie or you could stir up a mess of trouble’.

Dean tried to keep the conversation light for the rest of the evening, talking about nice homely things about his life, his niece and nephew, the town and it’s people. He wasn’t gonna push for information because he liked Cas’ company and it felt good having someone around all of the time. He never really felt that way about anyone but his family. Oh sure people could be nice and treat him well, but he had never had the desire to have someone around all of the time. It felt natural having Castiel here. There was something that just felt right and made something in him relax. Dean knew he always had a wall up, a barrier so deep within him that until Castiel had come around he had not acknowledged the fact that he was in a constant state of tension and fear. Fear that his secret thoughts would come spilling out of him so that everyone could see the darkness inside him. He knew he was a sinner going to hell for his depraved thoughts and desires, but being around Castiel for some reason put him at ease about that, even though nothing had been said. He couldn’t put his finger on it and was not going to try to figure it out, not right now anyway.

Dean questioned Cas about his skills and abilities to see what he could do to help. Cas had pressed upon him to give him tasks, so the next morning he started him easy with feeding and watering the animals. He couldn’t remember any particular skills that he had as a human and was not strong enough to do anything much, so Dean gave him littler things to keep him occupied while he went out on the range. He needed to ride fence today, pick up where he left off as it had to be done before they moved their herd in the fall. It was gonna be a hot one today, it was just June but summer and it’s heat were here and there was nothing to be done about it.

Castiel had to sit and rest between tasks and so it took him all morning to get the animals fed and watered. He lay down to rest his eyes after lunch and woke up with a start when he heard noise outside the cabin. It was Dean coming in at the end of the day and was settling the animals for the evening. Castiel couldn’t believe he had slept so long but it proved that his vessel was still in a weakened condition. He got up to arrange some sort of meal for them and was still fussing about when Dean came in. He had come back earlier than usual, itching to get back to the cabin and failing miserably at getting his work done that day. All of a sudden he’d become clumsy, day dreamin’ and such all day which interfered with the job he’d set out to do.

When Dean walked in and Castiel greeted him they both broke out into deep smiles at the sight of each other. There was still daylight left and Dean offered to show Cas more about the place so’s he’d have somethin’ to do tomorrow. Castiel had a gentle touch with the animals and Dean felt like that was a good place to start. He was useless in the kitchen, couldn’t sew a stitch and Dean was afraid to let him handle his tools as the feller was a little clumsy. Dean was having a really hard time figuring the fella out. His body was lean and muscled and yet his hands didn’t look as if he had ever done hard work like Dean’s own callused ones. They had a peaceable evening and Dean showed him what books he had and set them out for the fella to read. Castiel was very appreciative and apologized for sleeping away most of the day. He also insisted Dean take his bed back and Dean traded places with him reluctantly.

That night as he lay trying to sleep, Dean noticed something about his bed clothes that was different. There was a new smell to them. They still smelled like him, but there was a new spicy scent woven into them. It smelled good and he relaxed into the smell and drifted off with a small satisfied smile curving his full lips.

Sam came by the cabin Thursday evening for a short visit. No one in town brought up anything about a stranger or someone missing. Sam had made his rounds to the general store to pick up provisions and to catch any gossip from the women, then he went by the saloon and lastly he stopped by the sheriff’s office just to say hello. No one mentioned anything of import except old grizzled Bob Singer, the blacksmith, was going to tie the knot with the widow woman, Ellen, that ran the saloon. Old Bob was a widower himself, his wife had died from some unknown malady that overtook her when she was still a bride, too soon to start having babies. She just died all of a sudden.

Castiel and Sam were wary of each other, but polite and he left reminding them that they were both expected on Sunday for dinner and of course there would be pie.

The days were hot and the nights not much cooler. Dean decided Castiel could try his hand at the wash and set him up outside with a kettle and instructions to just do what he could. Castiel tackled the wash but found that standing over a kettle in the summer sun was akin to the description of fire and brimstone in hell. He had washed all of the heavy bedding as they were not needed as much in this heat and finished them early as they took longer to dry. By afternoon he had stripped down to his underthings and finally the last piece to come off was his undershirt leaving his torso bare. The sweat had been pouring off of him and he’d been guzzling water all day to keep up. He found the work hot but peaceful and repetitive and was working on the last load when Dean walked into the yard in front of the barn and across from the cabin. Castiel’s back was to Dean and he was so lost in his thoughts that he did not notice his arrival.

Castiel’s body was slick with sweat and the last piece of clothing was hugging tight to his skin having been drenched with the combination of sweat and wash water spilled as he worked. Dean had come back a little early again thinking he would help Cas out. He was frozen to the spot as soon as he saw the dark haired embodiment of his dreams. He could see each muscle as Castiel moved, all accentuated with moisture and the bright sunlight, sinuous and masculine. Dean’s body betrayed him and he could not help the way it responded. The form of this man called to him, the real person he was inside and for the first time, Dean felt no shame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but wanted to get another chapter posted. More to come.


	4. Fire and Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is afraid of his feelings for Cas.

John Winchester was both a legend and a mystery in these parts. He had been present when the range wars had been fought and had been an instrument in gaining peace with the local Indians. The natives had accepted him as a kindred spirit and recognized something in him that was important to their culture and beliefs. John would never know what his legacy was, but he knew that the death of his wife was somehow interwoven into the lore and religion of the locals. He aspired to befriend them and learn as much as he could about their prophesies, so he spent a lot of time getting to know them by staying at their encampments. He spent even more time there after Mary died, looking for answers. According to his notes and what Dean could remember, John had befriended not only the chiefs of the Arapaho, Comanche and Kiowa, but also the medicine men of these local tribes of the plains Indians. The ancient lore about the yellow eyed devil, the trickster coyote and the blue eyed stranger were mentioned more than once in his dad’s journal. Dean had read it time and again since his father passed, not having been privy to it when his father was alive. He had however been with him on some of his visits when he was older and had been treated with reverence by the people he met. John had always watched his interactions closely and if he had read it right there had been a lot of knowing looks between his father and the medicine men over Dean’s head. Dean just accepted it as he felt proud to be at his father’s side and included in the important talks.

The talks always seemed of great importance when they would go. The words shared were always solemn and always ended with the smoking of the pipe. Dean was never allowed to smoke with the elders, but was allowed to remain near. He had never really shared what happened fully with Sam as he did not know what to tell him. The one thing Dean was sure of was that the Indians knew something about the fire that his mom died in, but it didn’t make sense. There was a lot of talk about the yellow eyed devil and every time he was mentioned his father would become enraged, barely holding it in and containing the savagery that boiled right beneath the surface. Dean had seen the naked and full blown rage first hand. Usually it was when his father had been drinking and would lose all semblance of control, but with the Indians he was reverent and maintained his reserve. When they would get back home John would start drinking and Dean would have to watch him like a hawk so that their things did not get totally destroyed. John would rant and then weep as he held Mary’s picture in his hand. Sometimes Dean would have to get John’s old friend Bobby to come help, but usually Dean just took care of everything himself. 

Things got worse after Sammy left and Dean suspected on a daily basis that his dad would finally be so careless that he would come to some kind of harm. He was still devastated when the accident happened and was thankful that Sammy had come home. Sam had never gone with them on their excursions to the Indian communities, never really wanted to, but Dean would describe as much about the people and their dwellings that he could remember. Dean was always watchful, taking it all in and storing the knowledge for later. When John died Dean had taken his body and given him an Indian’s burial on a funeral pyre as per his instructions. Those in town would never understand, but Dean honored his father’s wishes and that was all that mattered to him. Dean was always given free passage on Indian lands even though there were only rare instances when he had a need. Usually it was just to catch strays and as ever he was usually alone. 

Dean was used to being alone most of the time, even when his dad was alive. He spent most of the time riding alone, there was always a lot to do on the ranch and Dean always volunteered for the chance to get out and away. Riding on his own black mare, his Baby, was all the company he needed, with his thoughts to himself and work to keep him busy

Eventually Sam had read his dad’s journal and he and Dean had discussed it some trying to figure out what it meant. There were a lot of details about monsters, demons and mythical figures that they suspected were just information that had been collected on the tribes for knowledge sake. Dean knew there was more to it but never really let on to Sammy what he suspected. There was some connection between what the Indians believed or knew and the death of their mother. Dean had heard enough about the yellow eyed demon to know that this figure was the one his dad blamed and was trying to find a way to punish whoever was responsible for the loss of his wife. Most of the time the ranch and the care of two young boys had kept John too busy to venture out on any type of search, but Dean suspected that some of his “hunting trips” had been to look for more than game. So when his dad died unexpectedly Dean always suspected something more sinister than an accident was to blame.

Night time was the worst when John’s anger erupted after he had too much time to think or too much to drink. Dean learned early on that trying to distract his dad when he would get in a mood did not work and he just kept Sammy and him out of harm’s way while keeping a close eye on his dad. The tension in their home was ever present and so it was no wonder that Dean sought out the solitude of the range. Earth, sky, wind, snow and rain were his companions rather than the close confines of four walls that contained John and his rage. The cold of winter and the heat of summer were more desired than the neglect and mistreatment he had suffered at home. He knew his dad loved them but he was haunted by his own demons and he unfortunately took it out on his two young sons. Dean had taken a lot of abuse while trying to defend himself and Sammy from his dad’s wrath, but he didn’t mind so much. Sam had been such a good kid and smart and Dean was so proud of him even though it nearly killed him when he went back east to school. It had helped when he came home, but sometimes Dean had felt even lonelier, knowing Sam had someone other than him to share his life with. Sometimes Dean would even think maybe marrying was not a bad idea for him because there would probably be children and he loved the idea of that. Now with Castiel here he knew in his heart why he had never been serious about a woman or a wife. The man was everything that his heart desired and yet…even with Castiel here Dean dared not to dream or suppose that anything would ever come of it.

The sight of Cas’ nearly nude, wet, glistening body was seared into his brain and he could not let the vision go. After coming out of his reverie of watching the man at work he had put his animals and gear away and offered his help to finish the chore. Castiel was finishing up when Dean arrived and was glad of the help. He had no idea the effect his nearly naked, wet figure had on the cowboy when he approached. Dean’s gaze lingered over every inch of Castiel’s lean features, unable to hide the burgeoning want flourishing within him. Castiel did however notice that Dean had started to breathe heavy and had sweat on his upper lip.

“Thank you Dean, let me get you something cool to drink.” Castiel walked away from Dean to get the water and Dean stood feet planted on the damp ground and watched every step that he took. When he returned with the water in hand Dean’s eyes migrated to the dark triangle evident at Cas’ front. Castiel noticed the distress on Dean’s face and became concerned.

“Dean?” After no response he queried again, “Dean, are you alright? You don’t look so good. Let me help you.” Castiel took Dean by the arm and led him into the cabin. Finally jolted out of his trance Dean coughed and shooed Castiel away. “I’m fine. Just leave me…I don’t need your help. I’m fine.” He was way too gruff and Castiel was taken aback. Dean had never spoken to him in such a manner and he was a little hurt by his words. Then as he walked away Dean shouted at him, “And get’s some clothes on. Cover yourself man!”

Castiel backed out of the door, perplexed and unsure of himself. He had offended Dean in some way and he had no clue what he had done. He looked down at how he looked and realized that his wet clothes were not hiding his body at all, but then Dean had seen him totally naked and had even bathed and dressed him. He shrugged and feeling chastised went to find something dry to clothe himself with.

Dean was mad. Mad at himself. How could he have been so mean to Castiel who had obviously not done anything wrong? If anyone had acted out of order it had been Dean for yelling at his guest. He set about making the evening meal with the pots and pans taking the brunt of his abuse as he worked. Later when Cas came into the cabin, Dean turned and apologized. “ ‘M sorry Cas. I shouldn’t have yelled. “M sorry.” All this was spoken with only a glance over his shoulder. Dean was too ashamed to look Castiel in the eyes.

“Dean, did I do something to displease you?” Castiel did not want to repeat the offense if possible.

“ Um…no. You didn’t I just…” Dean huffed. How could he explain to Cas the effect he had on him? There was no way he could express how he felt. The fear in him was too great. He still faced away from Castiel as he spoke.

“Please just forgive me and we will not speak of this again. Please?” Dean was having trouble meeting Castiel’s eyes that were sad and questioning.

“Dean. We will do whatever you wish and I am truly sorry if…”

“No Cas, you did nothing…so don’t worry. Then after a silent pause he uttered, “There’s something wrong with me…” The last five words were spoken as a whisper and yet Castiel heard each word and was perplexed at their meaning.

“Dean?” Castiel was walking slowly toward Dean who’s back was to him and when he got close he said his name again, softer, “Dean?”

Dean felt the heat from Castiel’s body and the warmth of his breath on his neck. He took a huge breath and sighed, not knowing what to do even though he wanted….well what he wanted was …

Castiel leaned closer in and said again as Dean had not turned or responded to him, “Dean?”

By now Castiel was near enough that all Dean had to do was lean back a few inches and he would be…

Dean sighed and leaned back and Castiel caught him, wrapped his arms around him and drew Dean into his warmth. Dean shuddered and let his body relax into Castiel’s not caring and the task in front of him was easily forgotten.

Castiel felt such strong affection for this man that had taken him in and wanted to comfort him in his distress. He encircled him with his arms and pulled him into his own body and just held him. The cadence of their breathing soon matched each other’s as they relaxed in to one another. Dean felt safe in this man’s arms. Like all the fears that he had all his life were just gone. No one around to judge and he could be himself, cared for by this beautiful man who was not ashamed of Dean needing him and his touch that was freely given.

Castiel’s head was nuzzled up against Dean’s with his cheek placed close against him and it felt so natural. Their bodies fit together and Castiel did not want to ever move. Whatever he could not remember, about his former life, seemed so unimportant now. Everything he needed to know about his new life was here in his arms. Castiel’s spirit felt at one with this man’s as if everything he had ever known or any experience he had ever had would surely pale in comparison.

They stood that way for a while until Cas felt the need to snuggle into Dean more. He smelled his neck, ran his nose over Dean’s skin, inhaling him at first and then needing to taste. He placed soft kisses on Dean’s neck and throat as Dean leaned his head backwards, then arched his back in response.

Dean’s brain had turned to mush. Not one coherent thought. His body was a mass of overexcited nerves and he began to shake. Castiel became worried for the man.

“Dean?” Castiel turned Dean to face him and saw what was a look of both terror and want. The look was so conflicted that Castiel could not decipher it’s meaning. He continued to hold Dean close and tried to get him to look at him. Dean was having trouble making eye contact. He was afraid to. Dean was afraid of coming totally undone in this man’s arms and he was losing control, feeling as if he was going mad. Mad with desire and fear. 

Castiel placed his fingers under Dean’s chin and made him look up into his eyes and then Castiel knew. He knew what had been inside of Dean. He knew what life on earth was really about. It was this right here. The connection between their souls and their bodies was a force stronger than the two of them. It was headier than anything Castiel had ever experienced. He had been a good soldier, never feeling, just obeying. And now, being here with Dean, in this moment, transcended anything he had ever experienced. He felt the pull of their bodies and yet the greater pull was something deep within the both of them. It was palpable and overwhelming.

When their eyes met, blue bearing down on green, Castiel plead, “Dean, I will take care of you. I will watch over you til the end of my days. You are mine and I am yours. It is as it should be. Do not fear. Please, say you are mine.”

Dean could not believe what this angelic being was saying. It was breathing life into his, up until now, deadened spirit. Castiel had brought him to life and he wanted him. All of him. Dean was speechless.

Castiel leaned in and pressed his soft lips into Dean’s and continued to press kisses on them until Dean responded. Once Dean kissed him back he became a man on fire, a banked fire ignited,and a volcano of passion overflowing. He had waited so long and had never thought anyone would ever touch him this way. He was undone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much going on inside Dean that no one will ever know, but we all want to take care of him. That's Castiel's job.


	5. Midday at the Oasis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean helps Castiel to settle in to the ranch lifestyle.

Dean woke to the crow of a rooster and a warm body pressed to his. He was in his own bed, in his little cabin and yet he felt as if he were waking up to new world. A world better than any he could have imagined. Being held in another man’s arms was something he had always craved and now, well now things were so real and unreal all at once. Maybe this was one of his dreams and it would all go up in a puff of smoke. Maybe when Castiel’s memory came back to him he would realize what they had done and he would hate Dean. He felt warm breath on his neck and felt his arousal starting. Dean never laid abed on a work day and daylight was a burning. No need to wake his bed partner, but he needed to get a move on. He tried to disentangle himself from the arms wrapped around him from behind by making small even movements, but as he did the arms grasped him tighter and Castiel nuzzled his nose into Dean’s neck with a hum of contentment.

Well, maybe a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.

Dean dozed off into a peaceful state, all of his cares vanquished even if just for a little while. He awoke later to the press of lips on his neck and it all came back to him. 

“Good morning Dean.”

Well the fella was awake and must realize he’s lying in bed with another man and doesn’t seem to be affected by it in a bad way. If anything he seemed to be enjoying himself as Dean relished the feel of him pressed to his backside. Dean could not remember being this close physically to anyone. Not to anyone in his family and his forays into the arms of goodtime gals had been short and only accomplished with Dean’s mind being focused somewhere else. He never felt right about it. Just felt wrong somehow and definitely forced. He only went in the first place as his dad had taken him down to a whore house and given him the “gift” on his sixteenth birthday. Dean had not started courtin’ anybody by then and his dad wanted to make sure he’d sampled the pleasures of a woman. He figured Dean was just a late bloomer, because John had courted his mother Mary from the time they were twelve. She had been the only one for him. From what John said Dean didn’t think his dad ever went to a whore house until after his mom died. Dean thought he probably still wouldn’t have gone if he hadn’t started drinking so much.

Castiel’ body was a wonder. Dean had not gotten his fill, didn’t think he ever would, but he had tasted the love of a man and it had been glorious.

“G’ mornin’ Cas.”

The press of Castiel’s lips on his neck was wonderful, but Dean wanted more. He wanted to taste him as well. He rolled his body toward his lover and beheld the wonder of his presence. It took his breath away. Dean’s eyes focused on Castiel’s as they took each other in, their gazes devouring the sight of one another. Dean’s was mesmerized by the soft, pink, somewhat chapped looking lips that were beckoning to him. He started to lean in for a kiss and then hesitated slightly, looked again and then moved forward with controlled hunger for the taste and feel of Castiel’s lips on his.

“Good morning Dean.”

Castiel was still feeling overwhelmed by Dean’s beauty and the way his earthly vessel responds to him. In heaven everything was larger than life, but here with Dean in his arms, being in the present is what matters. This moment in time feels more important than anything Castiel has ever experienced. Time has come to a screeching halt and each moment feels like forever in Dean’s arms. Castiel had never felt this alive before, the energy created between the two of them is causing his entire body to surge with electricity. When he woke this morning he experienced every breath that Dean took, felt the pulse of his heart, and inhaled the essence of his skin and his life force remained connected with him. When Dean turned to face Castiel the peace of his presence washed over him and he knew true joy.

Their kisses were soft and slow, each enjoying the luxury of the moment and each other. Dean never expected to have this gift, this man or this love. He had always agonized over the way he felt inside, but now…now he was satisfied and even a little vindicated in that he had hoped and now he knew that the love of a man was good. It couldn’t be anything else for him. He had always known that inside, but living in this world had been hard. He had always felt all wrong and out of place, as if he was defective, damaged and unholy.

There was no way that God could disapprove of what he felt for this man. Their night together had been soft, tender and revealing. Castiel had given his love to him in such a way that Dean felt cherished and adored. Certainly God would want him to feel that way and Dean knew that he could never have that depth of feeling for a woman; it was just not in him.

Dean did not want to leave the cocoon of Castiel’s arms, but he had animals that needed tending to. He kissed Castiel deeply and said reluctantly, “Sorry, gotta get up. ‘M animals need feedin’ and waterin’. Can’t lie here any longer. Castiel grinned and moaned at the same time. “Yes, I’m sure we must, but I must say I have no desire to interrupt our time together.”

“Me neither, that’s for sure, but…and I…well it was…Oh fiddle. I’m not good with words.” Dean huffed as he slid out of the bed and went to gather up his clothes, Castiel watching all the while as bits of sunlight bounced off the walls and that perfect posterior of his human’s.

“No, I suppose you are much better with your hands.” Castiel was definitely leering at Dean causing the cowboy to blush.

“You can come help ya know.” But Castiel was enjoying the view way too much to move just yet, so he waited until there wasn’t much to see and got reluctantly up. He was not ready to leave the world that they had created where they were the only inhabitants. Dean went to start a fire in the cook stove while Castiel dressed, not neglecting the view that the angel made. They worked together to get the morning chores done with frequent glances and soft touches as they worked. Dean judged the morning to be half gone when they woke and before they could finish Saturday’s morning chores it was already midday. 

Dean decided that it was too late to go out on the fence line so he enlisted Castiel’s help around the barn and showed him some techniques with the barbed wire so that he could ride with him come Monday. He would test his mettle on Baby and see if he was up to riding on his own, if so they could borrow a horse from Sam and put Castiel to work. The stranger’s strength was returning even if his memory wasn’t.

Saturday evening passed as peacefully and domestic as one could imagine, the two men content and enrapt with each other. Castiel asked more about Dean’s life and kept feeling that there was some connection with Dean that he should be aware of and yet could not tease out of his memory. Castiel ached for Dean’s grief over his mother and father and reveled in the happy stories he had to tell about his brother and his new family. So by the next morning he was ready to meet all of the Winchester’s as they set out for the big house.

Castiel was quiet and polite for most of the visit. The children watched him with big eyes, Sam tried to involve him in conversation to see if he could find out more about him and Jessica plied him with fried chicken and peach pie. Sam was watching Castiel so closely at first that he almost missed the difference in Dean. Almost. Dean was smiling. A lot. He was smiling at everything. It was so unlike him. Dean could be downright morose. He had been pretty much a loner all of his adult life, worked by himself, avoided town and public gatherings as much as possible. Dean seemed more happy than resigned as was his usual. They’d all thought Dean had spent too much time alone. Maybe having a bunk mate and someone to talk to was good for him. Sam was not satisfied with the answers he had gotten from Castiel, but maybe it didn’t matter. He couldn’t help but think someone was out there looking for him, family, maybe even a wife and children. There had not been a lot of clues and Sam’s need to find answers was not satisfied at all. He would make some more inquiries. Couldn’t hurt.

Dean showed Castiel around the property. He was proud of what his family had built and wanted him to see his fruit trees and Jess’ honey bees. Sam let them take one of the more docile geldings for Castiel to ride and they raided the larder as there was now someone else to feed at the cabin. Dean agreed he would need to go to town for supplies, but planned on putting it off until the following Saturday.

Monday morning started early for Dean and Castiel. There was a stretch of fence about five miles out that needed tending to that Dean had been too distracted to finish the previous week. Castiel’s first day was hard on him. Even with gloves his hands suffered from the harshness of barbed wire and hard labor. Setting posts was hard work even if not as dangerous as pulling wire. By the end of the day, Dean had pity on Castiel and had him back off a little. He even quit a little early so they could rest up before the morning. He knew from experience that tomorrow would be the hardest day as he was sure Castiel had used muscles that had not been used during his convalescence and would be stiff and sore.

The temperature climbed so that by mid week it was almost too hot for Dean and he was used to being out in the weather. The hotter it got the more Dean thought about getting out of the heat, so when they got to a part of the fence that was close to Purgatory Creek, Dean decided to treat Castiel to one of the local wonders. It was officially on Kiowah land, but bordered the Winchester ranch on the west side, so he and Sam had been there a lot when they were kids. It was a little after midday on Friday when Dean decide to pack up and go, leading Castiel and Poco up to the head of Purgatory Creek. They had to leave the horses tethered after they watered them and walk a ways through a narrow cleft in the rocks.

The water level was down in the full heat of the summer but it affected the view only a little as they entered the open area beyond the crevasse and below a deep azure pool. As they entered Castiel could appreciate Dean’s obvious excitement in bringing him there. It was breathtaking. The large pool of clear water was smooth close to the edge near them but became more turbulent where the water fell from the crags forty feet up. There was still sunlight at this time of the day, although due to the steep rocks and several large trees surrounding the pool the light was scattered. Some of the daylight was magnified as it reflected off of the moving stream and dappled on the pool dispersing luminous patches around on the rocks and trees. Moss had collected on the surfaces of the rocks, more on the undersides, surrounding the pool in the abundant shade of the gap in the rocks. There was a deep fecund odor to the moist earth and rotting undergrowth so different from the fields where Dean spent most of his time. He sighed deeply and smiled at his companion trying to gauge his reaction.

“Hey I forgot to ask, do you swim?” Castiel was still holding Dean’s hand as he led them through and over the rocks. They had stopped on a flat rock on the water’s edge and were taking pleasure in the view. Castiel was taking in the scenery, but was more pleased that Dean was taking joy in sharing this place with him. 

“I…I don’t know…I…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Maybe it’ll come back to ya once ya get in. We’ll go over where it’s not as deep and you can try.” Dean was already stripping down and motioned for Castiel to do the same. Castiel smirked and said, “Let me enjoy the view. There’s no rush right?” Castiel was not looking at the water, the view he was captivated by was closer to him and to his mind Dean’s beauty far overshadowed the scenic waterfall. 

After Dean stripped he came over to his silent partner who was motionless as he watched him carefully, drinking in every detail of the smooth skin, tanned limbs and sparkling green eyes. When Dean noticed he was being ogled he blushed; seeing the look of adoration on Castiel’s face was such a new experience to him and he was certainly not comfortable with it. Didn’t know if he would ever get used to it, but he hoped Castiel stayed around to see if he would.

Dean helped Castiel divest himself of his grimy work clothes, stealing kisses in the process, both of them reveling in their proximity to one another. Dean held Castiel’s hand as they waded in gradually testing the bottom as he remembered there was a drop off. Castiel begged to stay in the shallow area while Dean swam. He never tired of watching him and today was a very special treat watching his nude form, wet and shiny, plunging in and out through the surface of the water. The blonde tips of his short hair appeared lit from within, the water accentuated the curve and shape of his muscles and the bright smile on his face were works of art.

Dean had cooled off enough in the deep water and returned to play with Castiel. First he splashed water on him getting his hair wet and causing him to splutter. Castiel was having trouble balancing on the rocky bottom so Dean had pity on him and supported him as he tried getting his whole body under the water. Then he showed him how to float by making his body loose and limber. When he didn’t get it at first, Dean had him lay back as he held him close to the surface until he relaxed. He gave him less and less support until Castiel was floating on his own. Dean worked with him until Castiel was comfortable taking several strokes on his own and then when their lips and fingers turned a little blue from the cool water they got out and lay on a sunny expanse of rock.

The rock was warm from the long day of sun and was well placed for catching some of the final bright rays. Dean lay on his back with one arm slung over his eyes. Castiel was prone but raised his head so that he didn’t miss one minute of the vision that was Dean Winchester’s tawny skin peppered with drops of water shining in the sun like jewels. Castiel had been in a constant state of prayer when in Dean’s presence. The mantra in his head went something like, “My only father, I give you thanks for this beautiful human. You have given me a gift that I in no way deserve. May my time with him honor you in some way. I do not know every purpose you have for me on earth and in heaven and I look forward to serving you all of my days. I thank you for every moment that you allow me to spend in his presence. I thank you for his soul, his essence…” then he would list all of Dean’s physical and spiritual attributes, thank his father for all of them and then repeat the mantra or some variation of it. 

Castiel was still cut off from any communication with heaven, he continued to pray with the hope that he would connect at some point. His memories were still clouded and came in short bursts of visions and light, the only unifying factor was the terror he felt when yellow eyes would flash in to his consciousness.

Dean was still and warm enough that he dozed off and then woke with a jerk. He looked up and smiled at the pair of sapphire eyes focused on him.

“Hey.”

“Hello Dean.”

“Sorry, I think I dozed off.”

“I enjoyed watching you.”

“Yeah?” You’d think it was creepy but Dean kinda liked that someone would study him that intently so instead of it feeling abnormal it made him feel safe and protected. The look on Castiel’s face currently was pure and worshipful. 

“Yes, you’re beautiful Dean,” Castiel murmured causing Dean to blush again and unable to come up with a response he leaned over and offered his lips instead. Their lips met gently, soft and tender. Castiel pulled Dean in to him and kissed him deeper, using his tongue to explore and taste. Dean was more at ease in this world than Castiel, but was the uncertain one when he was in the angels arms and always let Castiel lead their lovemaking. Dean was always pliant in his hands, receptive and yet unsure of himself having fought these feelings for so long. Castiel was both forceful and tender with Dean, his physical strength and feelings for Dean growing every day.

When the air and their passion cooled they headed back to the horses and the real world, loath to leave their oasis. Dean was so giddy on the way home he started singing as they rode and tried to get Castiel to join in. Castiel declined pleading ignorance as he didn’t know the words and was content just to listen.

That night as they prepared for sleep they talked about going in to town the next day. Dean was very apprehensive about taking Castiel out in public. He was afraid first of all that someone would recognize him and it would put an end to their interlude, secondly that it would be too hard on Castiel being around a lot of people, but his greatest fear was that people would be able to see right through him and know exactly what he and Castiel had been doing. He knew he would feel judged just by being in their presence. He knew what their beliefs were and that he would be a pariah in their midst if they knew. He had thought about asking Castiel to stay here at the cabin, but as he had expressed an interest in the town and shopping for provisions, Dean decided he did not want to disappoint him.

Dean’s fears were calmed in Castiel’s arms as they lay wrapped up in each other. Castiel’s kisses were like a balm to his worries and he allowed himself to be lulled to sleep by the calm breathing of the very real man annealed to his body. Dean knew peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I purposely am only alluding to a more physical relationship between Dean and Castiel. It felt right to write their story in this manner.


	6. The Bachelor Goes to Town  Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel go to town and bear the scrutiny of the town's folk.

Dean was awakened by a loud screech of desperation and Castiel’s arms and legs battering him to the point Dean felt pain. He turned to the angel and tried to wrap his arms around Castiel’s thrashing limbs to quell his wild, erratic movements.

“Shhh. Shhh. I’ve got you. It’s me, Dean, Castiel. I’ve got you.”

The wild look in Castiel’s eyes changed as soon as he focused on Dean to realize where he was and who he was with. 

“It’s me Cas. I’m right here. You’re okay. Just me.” Dean made soothing strokes down Castiel’s back and drew him tight and just held him until his breathing evened out.

“You okay buddy? Musta had a bad dream. But ole Dean’s gotcha. Everything’s just fine.”

Castiel’s mind was still racing with vivid visions of fire, brimstone and a pair of evil yellow eyes surrounded by several pairs of pitch black ones. His body sensed intense pain to the point that in his dream he was in severe agony and the effects had still not left him. 

He remembered who his fight had been with and why. It was all too real and he feared for Dean and his family. He had not been able to save Mary or John, but he had used most of his grace in order to protect Sam and Dean. His Dean. The two brothers were in the lineage of the original righteous man and their offspring would live to wage the battle of the great Apocalypse. His mission was to protect the lineage and he had won a hard fought battle to send Azazel, Alistair and their minions back to the pit. Hell had spit him out at the end and his remaining grace was used to direct his current vessel close to the Winchesters so he could complete his mission. 

Some of his brethren had fought valiantly by his side, helping to turn the tide of battle in heaven’s favor. The last blast of power sent him to earth, locked the demons in the cage and the other angels were dispersed to parts unknown. Castiel’s grace had been slowly building back and he was now hearing bits and pieces of faint murmurings from heaven. Nothing was clear as of yet, but Castiel could feel the pull from heaven and sense a change around him. The minute amounts of information that he could decipher were filling him with a sense of foreboding but nothing was clear.

“You musta had one hell of a nightmare. You okay now?”

Castiel felt the need to protect Dean from the truth. The details he felt sure would sort themselves out and then he would know what he needed to do. Castiel had still not uttered a word and Dean was beginning to actually worry that he might have drawn back into himself.

“Cas, are you okay, ya gotta tell me…” Dean coaxed.

Castiel cleared his throat, “Yes. I’m good Dean.” The words were husky and forced but reassuring to Dean.

“Thank God, you were starting to worry me. Let me get you some water.” Dean watched Castiel closely until he seemed settled. There was something in his eyes that had not been there before, not since Dean had first laid eyes on him. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Dean was sure Castiel was beginning to remember something but did not want to push too hard.

“No. I uh…Just a bad dream, a bad dream…” the sound of his voice tapered off as he shook his head, overcome with the intensity of his visions.

“ ‘S okay. Okay,” Dean soothed as he held Castiel and let the warmth of his body and his calming touch lull them back to sleep, their breathing finally reaching a slow even cadence.

The next morning Dean watched Castiel closely, looking for any sign of disturbance in his features. Castiel’s touches had been reassuring and they spent the time readying for their trip to town with the ease of two people that were used to working together.

They each rode a horse and brought Poco with them to carry supplies back with. The ride to town took a little over an hour and Dean used their time telling humorous anecdotes about the town’s people and listing what he needed to replenish their staples. The condition of the fences would require him to purchase more barbed wire, but the quantity he required would have to be retrieved by Sam and their larger supply wagon. They needed to make several stops and Dean wanted to make a visit to the barber, he was getting a little shaggy and he’d never gotten around to cutting Castiel’s hair. What Dean was not mentioning was the low level of apprehension he was feeling about intermingling closely with his neighbors. Could they read what needed to stay hidden on his face? He felt like he was just busting with energy from within and the lightness that had come over him since he had allowed himself to love this man by his side. Love. He was in love for the first time in his life and his heart’s burden had been lifted. Where he had felt confined, he felt free. Where had felt shame he now felt dignity, and pride in his relationship. Where had felt lonely now he had a companion.

Dean looked over at the man who was changing him, making him feel full, satisfied and loved and sent up a little prayer of thanks with a gentle smile on his face. 

Saturday in town was the busiest day of the week, the last day to do commerce before the Sabbath when everything closed down except the church and the backdoor to the saloon. Dean wanted to get his provisions ordered and squared away before they went to the barber and the last stop would be the saloon.

Mr. Murphy’s Mercantile had their staples, dry goods and fence supplies, but they wouldn’t load the horses until Bobby had done a thorough check on all six pairs of hooves, looking for problems and repairs if needed. Dean took care of his livestock day to day, but he let the blacksmith take a look every now and then so’s he didn’t miss anything. Man had to take of his ride, Baby was too important to allow her hooves to be poorly shod. 

Dean and Castiel rode through town to the livery, nodding and tipping their hats as they went, Castiel watching Dean and following suit. Dean had to rib Bobby a little bit about being newly married at his age. “Never too late boy. There’s still time for you ya know. Lot’s of purty gals in town and more’n a few have had their eyes on you…”

“Bobby I’m just fine as it is. Like things just the way they are.” Bobby didn’t have to know things had changed for Dean, but he could’ve kicked himself for opening that door by commenting on marriage. It wasn’t like he had forgotten how hard the town folk had tried to pair him up with every fair haired farmer’s daughter in the region.

Dean shared the short version of Castiel’s role at the ranch when he introduced him, downplaying him being a stranger by saying he came from back East and was helping out at the ranch. He figured short and simple was the way to go. Castiel was polite and mostly quiet, using this opportunity to absorb details about Dean’s life and focusing on that. 

Next stop was the Mercantile which today was the center of activity and rampant with women coming in to gather up a little bit of supplies with their gossip. As they walked toward the store from the blacksmith’s Dean became aware of Castiel being a little too close; close enough he could feel the heat radiating off of his body and the brushing of his hand up against Dean’s. So Dean tried to put a comfortable amount of space between them, but Castiel kept moving back in. Dean had no choice but to tell him straight out, “Cas, buddy.”

“Yes Dean.”

“Back off a little, you’re up in my personal space man.” Dean said with obvious discomfort causing Castiel to tilt his head and look at him quizzically. 

“I don’t understand.” His voice was even and maybe a little hurt was hinted at.

“Hey, it’s just, well you know…” Dean was becoming flustered and was trying to avoid spelling it out for Castiel. “Cas, I don’t know how things are where you come from, but out here it just isn’t done. We don’t want to get any one all riled up, and besides the town is full of nosy old biddies today that would love to get something started.” By now the two were standing face to face looking at each other intently, Dean trying to keep his voice low without being obvious. They stood there several moments too long, comfortable with each other, but Dean still needing to get it through to Castiel that the appearance of two men walking close together and touching just wasn’t done.

“Cas, don’t take this the wrong way, but please just back off a little while we’re in town. We can talk more about it later. I’ll explain it more then, just trust me,” Dean plead as earnestly as he could. All Castiel saw at the moment were Dean’s full lips and he could not take his eyes off them and Dean could read plainly on Castiel’s face, now familiar to him, the expression that he had before he leaned in to kiss Dean. Dean wanted the kiss, but valued his life and backed off abruptly leaving Cas with a decidedly hurt look inhabiting his features. 

Dean had turned red in the face and felt heat surging up inside him. He looked at his partner with disbelief and admonished him, “You gotta back off man,” as he strode off in pursuit of some distance from the person he wanted the most in this world to be close to.

He left Castiel in the middle of the dusty road hoping no one had seen the interchange between them and yet regretting his actions as they were playing out, even though it had to be done.

Castiel eventually followed Dean into the store and stood to the side and out of the way to wait on him, not wanting to anger the cowboy, determined to understand, but he would do as Dean wished and wait until he could explain. Dean was definitely acting different than he had this morning and Castiel was trying to decipher what brought on the sudden change.

Dean made his way through the clutch of citizens doing their Saturday shopping and deep in several conversations. They had noted his entrance inside the store and the stranger that had come in shortly after him.

They weren’t sure if the stranger was with Dean, but it was obvious that even though the dark haired man was taking in his surroundings, he was keeping an eye on the handsome rancher.

Mr. Murphy usually waited on Dean himself; he knew Dean only came in if he really needed to, which meant he needed ranch supplies. 

“That a friend of yours Dean?” He motioned to Castiel standing quietly near the door.

Nothing for it, he just dove in, “Yep, he’s helping me work the fences. An extra pair of hands sure do come in handy like sometimes.” Dean couldn’t help but look a little twitchy, there it was, that same itch he got under the collar at church. He curled his finger over the edge of his collar and pulled it away from his neck. Right about then the bell on the door jingled and in came the school teacher and her eight year old son Ben who made a beeline for Dean. 

“Dean! Dean, look Ma it’s Dean.” Dean turned to see Lisa Braeden in a sky blue poplin frock and beaming at him. Dean bent down to get at Ben’s level after nodding at his mother.

“How ya doing pardner, you been practicing those knots I taught ya? Gotta be able to do ‘em quick like if you’re gonna be a cowboy. Them dogies move fast, so ya gotta be faster.”

“Yeah, I been practicing. But..but, I need you to show me again cause…cause sometimes they don’t look so good. Not as good as yours anyway.”

Dean was beaming at Ben’s enthusiasm. He loved working with him and the kid obviously looked up to Dean making him proud to pass his knowledge on. Dean was a natural born teacher.

“Ben, it’s I have been not ‘I been’. Watch your words.”

“Aw give the kid a break Lisa; he’s just a little excited.” Dean was looking more at Ben than Lisa and he ruffled his hair as he spoke.

“It’s good to see you Dean. You’ve not been to town in a while. We missed you Sunday at church. I guess you’ve been busy.”

“Um, yeah. Always work to do on a ranch. Fences don’t mend themselves.” Dean was very aware of Castiel’s silence and felt bad about ignoring him. “Um Lisa, there’s someone I’d like you to meet, c’mon Ben, you too.”

Castiel had been observing the interplay carefully and how all the people in the store were ogling as the scene played out. Evidently Dean’s actions were a curiosity to them as their own discussions had petered out so that they could listen to the handsome but not so young buck and the school teacher as they danced around each other. The good citizens had been speculating about the relationship for a while and wondering if the two would eventually marry. Dean had disappointed them before by not settling down even though he had several opportunities over the years. There were several young women that had tried to catch his eye, but the widow Braeden was the first he had taken much interest in. Lord, if that young Ben didn’t idolize the man, and despite his raising it was widely believed that Dean would make a good father. The Winchester ranch could support a big family so it would be a waste if Dean never took a wife and raised a passle of young’uns. His brother Sam had made a good start with that pretty wife he brought out from back East. It was about time Dean got his head out of the ground and married. It just wasn’t natural for a healthy young man to live all on his lonesome.

Dean caught Castiel’s eyes and smiled openly at him, the recent bad feelings forgotten. He walked his friend’s over to introduce them. He honestly liked Lisa and considered her a good friend, and Ben was great. He just wished he could show Castiel off as the new relationship was something he wished he could share with everyone. As it was no one would ever know, not even Sam.

“Lisa, this is Castiel. Castiel, this is Miz Braeden and her son Ben I’ve been telling you about.” Lisa beamed at Castiel and offered her hand, which he took. Her smile was more for Dean than Castiel, happy that Dean had been telling this new person about her and Ben. They must be important to him; she just wished that he would figure it out before they all turned old. They needed to get started before she got too old to carry children. Dean would make a good father.

Castiel cleared his throat and tried to find his voice, clearing his throat and responding, “Hmm. Hello Mrs. Braeden, Ben,” as he shook her hand and then offered his hand to Ben who grinned at being treated like an adult, kinda like Dean did, making him feel special.

Dean tried to get away with the short introduction, but Lisa was too curious to let it go and asked about where he was from. Castiel was unable to answer without causing more doubt about his person and was hemming and hawing, stalling for time. Dean changed the subject and led Lisa off and gave Ben a penny to get a sweet with. Soon Dean had Lisa convinced that they would talk later and that he had urgent business to get to while he was in town. He basically bluffed and charmed his way through it.

Castiel just watched and tried to blend in to the woodwork. It was going to be a long day and his strength was fading due to lack of sleep and grace. Dean looked his way and tried to let him know he would try to hurry and finish. Castiel was looking a little pale and Dean was starting to worry about how he was doing and feeling guilty about how he treated him earlier. He would just have to find a way to make it up to him later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel still have errands to run.their day in town is not over yet.


	7. The Bachelor Goes to Town  Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have some tense moments in the afternoon of their visit to town.

Castiel was so very confused about how Dean was acting toward him. The soft looks he gave him when no one else was looking were the same as when they were alone on the ranch, but whenever anyone else was present it was like a curtain came down, his expressions changed and he definitely did not want to be touched. Dean talked and smiled his way through town, acknowledging Castiel’s presence but Castiel could sense that his guard was up and that he was closed off to any show of affection from him, which was odd as Dean always seemed to open up and relax whenever Castiel offered words or gestures of affection or tenderness. The way Dean flinched when Castiel drew near seared him like a hot knife delivered by an agent of hell delivered in battle. 

Dean felt all jittery inside, like everyone was looking at him and judging him. It had been good to see Ben and Lisa, but he could feel the eyes of the town locked on him and every move he made. He’d always felt that way and had avoided coming to town, he only did it out of necessity. As a kid he had his family to shield him, but as an adult he just felt more comfortable by himself and so mostly stayed at the cabin and out on the range. His companions had been the sky, seas of grass, the sun, the wind, the rain, the snow, the cattle and of course Baby. She’d always been a good listener and he could tell her whatever was on his mind, no matter how wicked it was. Better’n prayin’ to his mind. Dean wasn’t sure if he was on solid ground with God. No way to know, that he could tell anyways.

Today was supposed to be good for him and Cas until reality set in. People were always going to monitor and judge his movements. Nothing had changed there. What had changed was that Dean had found someone to love that loved him back, but being in town just made him deeply aware that the world had not changed and that he had to be careful. His pride in his relationship had taken a deep blow as soon as he came to that realization and now he had hurt Cas’ feelings.

When they finished up making all of their arrangements at the Mercantile for the delivery of the fencing supplies Dean took Cas over to the café at the boarding house to get a bite. The food there was passable and it would be a long time before they made it back to the ranch. Saturday was always busy at the café, just like the rest of the town and Dean felt the stares as he walked in with Castiel close behind him. He decided to take the bull by the horns and loudly introduced Castiel to Jody, the café owner, making sure everyone could hear. No one had shown any recognition of the stranger and their curiosity was evident in their expressions. Jody made a place for them and made small talk until she got them settled in, asking about Sam, his family and the ranch.

The big news at the ranch was Castiel so Dean had to deflect questions that there were no answers to, and announced that Castiel was helping on the ranch for now and left it at that. Today there were several local ranch hands in town, ready to spend their pay and let off a little steam. Dean usually avoided them and their rowdiness, preferring to be less noticeable. He was always pleasant with them, but tried not to engage them and just have a good meal and a drink or two when he did make it in to town. He was a loner for a reason and it wouldn’t do to get close enough to allow his soul to be laid bare. It was better to be aloof than risk someone getting close enough that he developed feelings. He had made that mistake once when he started drinking with a group from a ranch close by. He had been a lot younger and had developed a crush on a cowboy named Lucas that was virile and handsome in a rugged and iron muscled way. They had both had too much to drink and Dean had gotten a little too close, had leaned too heavily against his friend’s body and looked too longingly into his eyes. The ranch hand became guarded and had pushed Dean away when others took note of them, and Dean had gone home with his tail tucked between his legs, vowing to never get that drunk in public again. 

Today in the café were some of Lucas’ fellow ranch hands and they were eyeing Dean and Castiel with open curiosity. Dean felt their stares and became more uncomfortable by the minute, as he had always supposed Lucas had said something to his bunk mates about the handsy blonde rancher. Dean was just happy he wasn’t having to face Lucas today and finished his meal without lingering. When they started to leave and got outside the door, Castiel couldn’t ignore the tension any longer.

“Dean, what is bothering you? You are starting to worry me.”

Dean stuttered, “It…it’s nuthin.”

“It most certainly is something, Dean please…”

“I said, it’s nothing,so…” Dean hissed.

“Dean, I know you and…”

“No, you don’t,” Dean spit out. “You don’t know anything about…” Dean looked up to Cas’ eyes and saw the blue darken with hurt. He hung his head and whispered, “Just not now…Sorry…I, well just not now. Okay?”

“Whatever you say Dean, but please, can we talk later?”

Dean was already regretting snapping at Cas who was the best thing to ever happen to him in the entirety of his miserable life. He had been lonely and now his days were filled with Cas. Gorgeous,blue eyed, muscular, wonderful Cas.

“Yeah, sorry I…yeah, later,” Dean murmured with a sheepish smile. “ ‘M sorry, real sorry. Let’s go get that disgraceful mop of hair of yours taken care of. Feeling a little shaggy m’self.” Just looking at Castiel made Dean feel better and put a smile back on his face.

Their time at the barber’s went more smoothly. Just a few people in and out. Mostly old timers looking for some news and retelling the same worn stories they’d told dozens of times. Dean liked to get them going and listened with a grin on his face and watched as Cas enjoyed the telling. They were in no rush so Dean let the barber give them the works both of them getting haircuts and a shave. Dean went first and was able to sit back and watch as Castiel became even more striking as the barber cleaned him up. He didn’t mind the scruff that came from not shaving daily, but seeing Cas’ smoothly shorn face made him long to touch him. The longer he looked the more he knew he was in trouble and he had to make himself tear his eyes away and feign interest in the old cowhands. 

Last stop was the Roadhouse Saloon and then home. Dean had no plans to linger, but wanted to stop by, pay his respects to Miz Ellen, and have one drink. Ellen had been in Lawrence the whole time he was growing up and her daughter Jo had been a couple years behind Sam in school. They were like family, just like Bobby. He’d not seen Miz Ellen since she and Bobby had married up quick a few weeks back.

There were only a few people hanging out in the back of the main room of the bar playing poker. Seemed like there was a perpetual game going on there, and Dean had played way too much in the past and lost too much money. He had played more with his heart than his head causing him to give the game away without knowing how he was doing it. Gambling had a strong pull on him, but not today. Jo was behind the bar and hollered for her ma as soon as she saw Dean walk in. Ellen came out from the back wiping her hands on a dish towel.

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in. Bless my soul if it ain’t a Winchester. See that Jo Beth, Dean ain’t dead. Told ya so. Just cause he ain’t been around in a month of Sundays don’t mean he ain’t still kicking.” Ellen smiled big at Dean and gave him a hug. “So’s this your stranger friend I been hearing about?”

“You heard?”

“Well yeah Dean. Ya don’t think you can come to town with a stranger in tow and parade him all around without people a talkin’ about it. Hi there, Name’s Ellen and this here’s m’ daughter Joanna Beth.”

Ellen held her hand out to Castiel who grasped it and noted that her hand was rough and callused from hard work and she shook hands with strength more like a man. He smiled a large gummy smile at her, pleased to meet someone important to Dean by the sound of things. “Very nice to meet you, I’m Castiel.” He had noted the teasing tone in which she addressed Dean and read the affection in her eyes, so he was already comfortable with her. 

Ellen was curious about the stranger. She had seen Sam a week ago and he had not mentioned anything about him. Then today she had heard a lot of folks talking and she didn’t like the tone of more than a couple of comments. Stuff about the two men being mighty friendly, standin’ awful close and all. That started early in the day and later she heard more coming from those what had seen the pair in the Mercantile with Miz Lisa and her Ben. Bunch of nosy folks in this here town. Ellen usually heard it all here in the saloon, if it was happening it got talked about here. 

“Can I buy you two fellas a drink? Jo, pour up some of the good stuff for Dean and his friend.” The two men stepped up to the bar and shot the breeze with the ladies, catching up on the newlyweds and town life. Dean and Cas offered very little about the stranger’s history and not much about his plans as there wasn’t much to tell. Ellen studied Dean and knew that something was about to bust under the surface. She knew her boys and Dean was definitely not himself today. Dean was one of the best men she’d ever known, could trust him with your life, even though his old man could be a son of a bitch, Dean was good people and he was family. So whatever was botherin’ him she wouldn’t fault him. She was just glad to see him.

They were having a good laugh at Bobby’s expense when a loud group walked in. Right in the middle of them was a tall, blonde cowboy with a sardonic sneer on his face. They made their way to the bar with Lucas in the lead, sidling up to Dean’s side, not close, but close enough.

“So who’s your little drinkin’ buddy Winchester? The boys been tellin’ me all about you and your friend bein’ all buddy, buddy and havin’ yourselves a good ole time here in town,” sneered Lucas. He was eyeing Dean and Castiel up and down, taking it all in and looking down his nose at them. His buddies were smirking and sputtering out thinly veiled laughter. It was obvious to Dean that Lucas was not going to let that night of drunken foolish flirting go, even though at the time it had been mutual until Lucas thought someone had seen them and then he turned against Dean, putting the blame on him to absolve himself. Dean knew the things that had been said about him were mean and vindictive and he had vowed to never let his guard down again. Now here he was with Castiel, he should’ve known that coming to town was a bad idea.

Dean was blushing, had turned crimson and his heart rate had sped up. Castiel became alarmed and sensing danger that was aimed at both of them, but especially at Dean; he moved to put himself between Dean and the threat. Dean saw the movement and placed his hand on Castiel’s arm, holding him back and hissed, “Don’t Cas. He’s not worth it.”

Cas leaned in and spoke softly, “But you are.” He could feel a surge of grace that had been deeply banked coming to the surface and pulled away from Dean who was unable to hold him back.

Castiel looked menacing with his eyes boring into Lucas’ as he growled out, “I have spilled a lot of blood. I am a soldier and I will not hesitate to spill yours. This man is under my protection.” 

Dean was unable to stop Castiel’s tirade and was in awe that the men around him seemed impressed with Castiel’s speech. Dean stood there with his mouth open, unable to move, but afraid if he didn’t things would escalate. He was a little ashamed that seeing Castiel like that made him hunger for that man’s physical touch and he was at that moment feeling betrayed by his body as it responded to the display.

When Castiel saw the look on Lucas’ face he knew he had gotten the message, but saw no need to resort to violence if it could be avoided. He turned to Dean, remaining aware of any movement around him and said, “You were going to get a bottle to take with us, right?”

Castiel was not a bully and yet he looked back at Lucas with an expression of hardness showing that he was not backing down.

Lucas huffed, “Oh, hell Winchester. Didn’t mean nothin’ by it,” he back pedaled trying to defuse a volatile situation. He had felt the power behind Castiel’s words and besides he really didn’t want a fight with the Winchesters, especially Sam. He was pretty sure that wouldn’t end well. The Winchesters were too well liked and respected in this area and he would not get much backing in a real fight. Oh, sure his cronies would join in for a little mild ribbing, but when it came down to it he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance against the power behind the Winchester brothers. Maybe he could spread a little dirt on them, put some doubt in the good citizen’s minds about Dean. He was pretty sure there wasn’t something quite right about this new fella and Dean, and he was betting he knew just what it was. That green eyed cowboy was just too pretty for his own good. 

Ellen brought Dean and Castiel a poke with a couple of bottles in it. “Got your reglar Dean and I put in some of my apple cider. Be careful with it. It’ll fool ya. It’s sweet but it’s got a real kick.”

Dean smiled and gave his thanks to Ellen and paid his bill. “I’ll hafta bring ya some more of my mom’s apples iffen that’s what you’re gonna do with ‘em. They had a lot of blooms this spring and their comin’ along good. Branches getting heavy with some fine lookin’ fruit.” He gave Ellen a hug and she bade them to take care of themselves as they took off. Castiel was not left out and was given a hug as well as she whispered something in to his ear. Dean looked at Cas quizzically and Cas just grinned real big and shook his head. “I will, ma’am. I most certainly will.” 

They were hardly out the saloon door when Dean asked, “What was that about?”

“What do you mean Dean? What I said to that pusillanimous cretin?” There he went with those ten dollar words again. Dean wasn’t sure what the words meant but from Cas’ tone he was pretty sure it wasn’t in Lucas’ favor. 

“Well yeah that, but what did Ellen say to you?”

“In due time Dean. In due time.”

“Well thanks for standing up for me, but I coulda handled it m’self Cas.” Dean was feeling downright pathetic having Castiel have to stand up for him. Lucas had really caught him off guard and he had been at a loss for words when he was confronted by his old crush. He couldn’t see why he’d ever thought about the man that way. He guessed he must have thought he was attractive at some point, but his character left a lot to be desired. More like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

“You are welcome Dean. You and I share a profound bond and I would do anything for you.”

Dean found himself blushing for the second time today. He’d hit the mother lode when he found Cas lying by that stream and he did feel safe and secure with him at his side.

Castiel had been careful to keep an acceptable distance from Dean after he had expressed his wishes early in the day. He did not know why he requested it, but it made Dean relax and he preferred the cowboy at ease and not all tense and troubled like he was this morning. They had a lot of talking ahead of them and Castiel was determined to reassure Dean as much as he could.

The men retrieved their mounts and Poco, bidding Bobby good bye and heading on over to the Mercantile to load up. Dean and Mr. Murphy settled up, they loaded Poco and when Dean was satisfied everything was secure they took out for home. The days were long and Dean was sure if nothing happened out of the usual, they could make it home long before dark with plenty of time to take care of his animals before bedding down. After the day he’d had, he couldn’t wait to get back to his little homely cabin and into Cas’ arms.

Dean watched Cas closely as they rode out at a sedate pace, loaded down and yet eager for home. Baby was feeling frisky with her new set of shoes and was ready to get going. Cas looked over at Dean and smiled all calm like as if nothing had happened out of the ordinary. Dean however was feeling flayed open, his worst fears almost coming to light. Being shunned by everyone when they found out about him was something he couldn’t live with. If the truth came out he would go off by himself, find him a remote place and just hole up there. If civilization didn’t want him, he could do without it. He didn’t find it hard to be on his own and had done very well at it until…Cas. He had no intention of giving him up but…they lived in a cruel world.

Dean did not know how their story would end, so for now, he was going to savor his time with the dark haired man. The love he felt in the few days they had together was more intense than anything he’d ever known. Their time together had been quiet, but Dean always felt some sort of unusual power between them, under the surface until…Dean shivered in the saddle, blushing again for the third time today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. There will be at least three more chapters with an epilogue. Not set in stone so follow and I will try to post one chapter per week. I've been neglecting my other fic Seraglio, but will get back to it soon I hope. Addendum, as of 4/25/16 still busy with Seraglio and RL. Try to get back to posting soon

**Author's Note:**

> I would love if someone had art to add. Not my talent. Just had to write these characters and hello, Dean in boots and spurs? Yee Haw. To all that are reading this as of 4/25/16 I still plan on posting more chapters, but have been tied up with RL, work and one of my other fics, Seraglio. Promise to update in the future, I know some of where I intend this to go. Be back soon.


End file.
